I want to talk about something that just isn’t talked about enough. I think a lot of the reason, is because of women being afraid to admit it. We’re so terrified that we have to be this picture-perfect, cookie-cutter parent. We work so hard every day. We research this, research that, and try to look like we have our lives together. I’m going to sit here and tell you, I’m not remotely together. I’m sure you can relate. What even is together? What if I told you, I used to scream and my children? Did you gasp? Did you judge me? Did you agree that you do too, but don’t want to tell anyone? I get it. I felt the same way. Especially at the end of the day when you tuck them in their beds, and you go over how you could have been better. That was me. I was sick of having children touch me all hours of the day. I was sick of all the noise. I couldn’t stand any of it. I’d yell. Every little thing made my skin crawl and my head feel like it was close to an explosion. What I didn’t know, is that postpartum depression comes in other forms. Sometimes, postpartum depression comes in a form of rage. You can go through highs and lows just like Bipolar disorder. I hated myself. My babies didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve to feel like a horrible mom. You don’t either. Studies show that 22% of women have postpartum rage. The issue with this, is that many women don’t know that this is a form of postpartum depression. It’s rarely studied. These symptoms can come out of nowhere. This rage can cause you to have intrusive thought. When I tell you, I have thought about doing things that I’d never in my life even actually consider doing. It’s terrifying. It’s something we really need to talk about. It’s something women should not have to fear. You are not crazy. You aren’t alone either. Remember how loved you are. Remember that you do need help sometimes, and that’s okay. Take a step back and remember that you’re not just a mother. You are still you. You just have to find her again and love her like hell.
Please. Talk to your doctor. Remember your worth. Your mental health is not a fight one alone and it’s not a fight completed in a day.
There is light at the end of your tunnel.